Aw Hell
by Spades813
Summary: (UKUS)This wasn't how Alfred wanted to spend his very first semester of school! Detention every week wasn't fun at all, but he did help Gilbert vandalise the teacher's lounge room. Detention sucked, especially with Mr. Kirkland as his supervisor. It could be worse though. Worse like Kirkland eyeing him weird and that stupid smirk. ALFRED1STPOV mainly. Funny story with plot.YAOIUKUS
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Let's get this show on the road, shall we? Honestly this chapter was a bit hard for me to write. Because I've always learned to write really frilly and good descriptive writing. But this is told in first person point of view by none other than Alfred. And he doesn't speak frilly and proper. Neither do I, so I used my ways of speech for him in this story. Problem is that instead of saying things like, "He bid us good night", I have to type, "He told us goodnight." Because the second one is more like Alfred. Ya know? Oh well, hope you enjoy!**

**Warnings: This includes YAOI (boyxboy) don't like then please dont read. Also this fanfic includes sexual intercourse so if you do not like that content then please don't read. I don't see why anyone could report this now, seeing as I have warned you. Also there is foul language and mentions of vandalism. MOST IMPORTANT: This fic does have sexual intercourse between a grown man and slightly a minor. I WARNED YOU. But I wouldn't really say this is shouta. This fic does have sexual intercourse between a student and teacher, so please if you are sensitive to that then don't read this.**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia or any of its characters. They belong to their rightful owner. If I owned Hetalia then there would be lots of Yaoi and mmmm don't get me started on all UKUS things I'd put in it. If it was up to me there would be no way in hell that America would have won the revolutionary war...even though I'm American. Heh…**

**Any who, thank you. And to my fellow UKUS yaoi fans, enjoy~!**

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**Chapter 1:**

**A/N: Sorry for any incorrect grammar, I did it to stay in character of how Alfred acts.**

"Shit, shit, shit, _shit,_" I chanted as my buddy Gilbert and I sped down the empty, dark hallways of the teacher's dorms. We were so screwed! I couldn't believe I let him talk me into this!

"_It vill be awesome!" _He said. Yeah fucking right! I mean sure, spray painting funny pictures of the teachers in their own lounge was hilarious. The outcome not so much.

I didn't even take part in the vandalism of the lounge. I just stood watch while Gil handled it.

This was all because Mr. Fritz just_ had_ to give Gil detention! Everyone knew not to mess with Gilbert Bielschmidt, you give him detention and suddenly your classroom is painted pink. Though Feliks usually helped with that one…

Well now there was a huge mural of Mr. Fritz that was nothing except downright insulting. Gilbert made him have a huge mustache, dopey eyes, and a goofy perverted looking grin.

Also right next to the mural in big graffiti letters was, '_Suck my awesome dick, arschlöcher! _I asked Gil what arschlöcher even means, he said it means, 'asshole' in German. Well I'm the type of guy who only knows the great American language so I wouldn't know if what he wrote was correct or not. Then again it was his native language. Even though Gilbert insisted he was, 'Prussian'.

If ya asked me, I think Gil wanted to be caught. Writing in German was like signing his name. Sure it's normal for people to speak a second language, but why put it in graffiti art?

God, if you're listening, please don't let me die because I'm an idiot!

Ugh, this wasn't very hero like.

"This way!" Gilbert yelled in a whisper voice, grabbing my sweatshirt sleeve while dragging me towards the stairwell. Our hearts beated a mile a minute while we practically flung ourselves down the stairs, not caring how much noise we made. All the teachers already knew we were in their dorm house and all of them were looking for us already. So there was no need to be quiet, they were already awake.

"There's the door!" I shouted gleefully, making a beeline for the exit door, with Gil hot on my heels.

I flung the doors open swiftly. Our legs pumped as we ran faster than we ever had before across the grounds.

On the plus side, I felt like we were going to make it! The boy's dorm was right ahead! Fuck yeah! Getting off scot free! Unless Kiku turned us in…

"Gimme the bag!" Gilbert demanded, stretching out his hand for the backpack as we ran. Quickly I handed it over.

He dug into the bag while trying to watch his step. He pulled out the two cans of spray paint and a tissue. Hurriedly he wiped the cans with the tissue then dropped the cans to the ground, then slung the backpack over his shoulder.

"Hey that's littering!" I scolded.

"It's evidence. Ve just vandalized the teacher's lounge and that's vhat you're vorrying about?!" He deadpanned.

I glared, "Nooo, _you_ vandalized the school! I just stood watch!"

"Hey no pussying out of this! You came so that makes you as guilty as I am!" He yelled back. Gilbert had a point. But I wouldn't tell him that.

Quickly we opened the door to the boy's dorms, ran up to the third floor and then to me and my Brother Matthew's dorm.

I pounded on my dorm's door like this was the jurrasic park movie, "MATTIE OPEN UP!" I screamed. After that the door opened to reveal my stunned looking older twin brother.

"You actually did it?!" he hissed at us unbelievably. But we ignored it. Seeing as we were preoccupied with tearing off our bulky black clothing (relax our pajamas were on underneath) and ski mask. After the articles of clothing were off of our bodies I stuffed them into the bottom of my dresser along with my book bag that took part in the crime.

We made it. I was so happy; the feel of adrenaline filled me as I was like 'fuck yeah'! Come on, I felt on top of the world. Now all I needed was a deluxe cheeseburger and a bunch of Dis*ney movies and then we're good to go! Mmm cheeseburgers...Gah! I'll get one tomorrow. Mind, stop thinking about food!

And _you,_ Mr. tummy shut up, I fed you before I left.

Ah. I am so fucked up.

"You do know you can get expelled because of this!" Matthew scolded, looking to both of us, his purple colored eyes filled with rage.

Ya see, you never want an angry, sleepy, Canadian on your hands. It ends badly.

"Yeah but ve veren't caught birdie. So you can stop vorrying about the awesome me," Gilbert smiled cheekily as he snaked an arm around my brother's shoulders. Good ol' Gil. I think they had a thing going on. But I'll never know.

Next thing we knew the speakers in the hallways came on.

"_Students,_" it began, "_The headmaster has been informed of a vandalizing in the teacher's lounge. Sorry to all of you who are not involved, but pairs of staff members will be moving from room to room for investigation, one pair assigned to each floor. We are not thrilled about being woken up either, but we must search for the culprits. We will hold an assembly in the cafeteria tomorrow if the culprit is not found. That is all,"_ then it clicked off.

At the same time me and Gilbert looked to each other with wide eyes.

We were so fucked.

So much for scot free. Now I was gonna get kicked out of high school and probably a shitload more punishments. Jolly good.

Where the hell did that come from?

"Wait Gilbert, you can't be here!" Matthew panicked. But Gilbert was already out of our dorm in a flash, heading to his own dorm which was two doors down.

Eventually the 'staff members' made it to the third floor and there was soon a knock on our door.

Me and Matthew exchanged worried glances before I hesitantly reached for the door handle.

That was when I remembered. Oh fuck, all of the evidence was lying in my dresser. FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC.

Quickly I messed up my hair while Mattie messed up my bed to look like I had been sleeping.

It felt like an hour passed until I opened the door with a pretend yawn (it was actually only seven seconds). But who's counting?

Once the door was opened my eyes landed on the two, slightly taller than me, teachers. It was none other than Mr. Kirkland and Mr. Bonnefoy.

Why me?! Everyone knew Mr. Kirkland didn't like me. He would always call on me for an answer to a question when he damn right knew I wasn't paying attention. I think teachers do that so they have evidence of you not paying attention and then they can torment you…

And I know, I know, I should be paying attention in class. But I couldn't help that he was so unbelievably BORING.

Come to think of it, I think he used to be a freshmen year history teacher. Rumor has it that some kid asked him about the revolutionary war and he ended up breaking down crying. Weird right? So now he's my English teacher in sophomore year.

Besides that though, I just knew that he really didn't like me. He'd always call out on my mistakes and call me these weird British curse words that I didn't even know what they meant. Can someone please tell me what a, 'Bloody wanker', is?!

Anyone?!

Every time I asked Mattie about it, he'd laugh at me. Oh well. Then again it sounded kind of painful. I mean come on, a 'bloody wanker'? That did sound painful. Oh! Maybe it was like a purple nurple or something? Maybeeee...I will have to ask one of these days.

Now for all ya'll kids who don't know this, Mr. Kirkland usually scowled. A lot. But at the moment he was _seething_. If this was looney tunes he would have smoke coming out of his ears. If you looked hard enough I think you could see smoke...now that I think about it.

"Hey Mr. Kirkland!" I said cheerfully, sporting a wide cheesy smile on my face. Oh I was so fucked. I knew it, and Matthew knew it too. But I would try and hide that fact with everything I had.

Mr. Kirkland looked at me with this deadpanned look and a glint in his green eyes that I couldn't quite place. Whatever it was it made me slightly squirm where I stood. Then he grumbled, "Step aside twit, I want to go back to sleep while it is still night time and not early morning," then he pushed past me into me and Mattie's room.

RUDE! He acted like I was a criminal! Then again I suppose I sort of was...

"Mon Dieu. Stupide kids and zheir pranks. Unlike Mr. Caterpillar eyebrows over here, I need my beauty sleep," Mr. Bonnefoy whined as he strode past me and began digging through Matthew's jour.

Well this sucked. Your teachers seeing your underwear was like the last thing you could ever want to happen.

"Shut it, frog! I already told the headmaster it was that Prussian git but he insisted, 'everyone is innocent until proven guilty'. Utter bollocks," Mr. Kirkland growled while going through my tighty whitey drawer. This made pink dust across my cheeks. I had to see this guy in English class tomorrow, and now he knew what my boxers looked like. Plus...three drawers down in my dresser was the evidence that would get me expelled.

Sensing me tensing up, from behind Mattie placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze.

And then everything went downhill. Just like Jack and Jill.

"Hold on a tic, what is this?" Mr. Kirkland asked as he pulled out me and Gilbert's clothes, our ski mask, and of course my book bag….while smirking…

That limey bastard was glad it was me, wasn't he!

Mr. Kirkland and Mr. Bonnefoy turned around to look at me and Matthew. I could have wet myself like a puppy under their stares (although Kirkland's was more like a full blown glare). Matthew also looked frightened as he looked to me for help. Thanks dude.

I honestly think Mr. Kirkland was delighted that he could expel me now, and I think Mr. Bonnefoy just wanted to wring my neck because I ruined his, 'beauty sleep'.

"Anything you two care to explain?" Mr. Bonnefoy quipped, combing a distressed hand through his long wavy blonde hair.

I remained calm with my usual five star smile, "I get cold?" I gave it a shot while I rocked back and forth on my heels. Even I wouldn't have believed my own sorry excuse. And usually I'm the one who 'can't read the atmosphere'.

Well I'm reading it now and it's saying I'm screwed and I'm never going to see sunlight again. Peachy.

My English teacher crossed his arms over his chest, "Oh? Because I recall that in the surveillance footage we watched, the culprits were dressed like this and had a book bag with this pattern," he hissed, stepping closer to me. Making shivers go down my spine as I nervously toyed with the hem of my pajama shirt. Mr. Kirkland was practically smiling through that smirk of his. Scratch that, he's not a bastard.

He's a creepy bastard!

I laughed trying to calm my nerves, "Really? That's interesting," I replied, practically shaking as I rubbed the back of my head. Didn't Gilbert cover the cameras? I thought he did...

Gilbert, if you are reading this. I hate you.

"Arthur I zink zese are the culprits so let's get on with zis so I can go back to sleep," Mr. Bonnefoy grumbled. But then he looked to Matthew who was his best student with sad eyes, "But I can say zat honestly I would not have zhought you would do something like zis, Matthieu."

Matthew looked down in shame. I couldn't believe this, was he really going to take the fall for Gil?

Kirkland rolled his eyes while keeping his eyes closely trained on me, looking highly amused, "Yes, yes, this is all very sorrowful. Now let's get these two to the headmaster so we can go to sleep."

"Wait a second! Mattie didn't do anything! It's I- uh…my fault!" I practically yelled, waving my arms in protest while I stepped in front of my slightly older twin. Look at me! I'm the baby bro and I got courage. I think I earned myself ten points in the brother category.

Mr. Kirkland looked at me with mischief and another one of those unrecognizable glints swam in his eyes. I think he was trying to burn a hole through my head.

Or eye raping me….

Naaaah.

Mr. Bonnefoy smiled warmly at me, "Although zat is noble of you Alfred, zhere are two outfits here. So who was ze other in this hilarious crime?"

Mr. Kirkland fumed, "Belt up frog. It's not funny!" Then he decked him.

I tried to stifle a giggle at the ridiculous display, but failed miserably. Kirkland's head snapped to the side to glare at me, "You think this is funny?" he groused. From behind me Mattie leaned over to silently whisper in my ear, "What did Gilbert paint?"

I ignored him though. "N-no! It's not funny at all, sir!" I stumbled through my words. Yet, I was still laughing. Smoooth.

"It doesn't matter I suppose at the moment. This sweatshirt sleeve has a streak of spray paint on it. I think that's evidence enough," Mr. Kirkland told Mr. Bonnefoy, "I will see to it that he gets to the headmaster. You retire back to bed. I do not feel like hearing anymore of your bothersome yapping."

Nodding, Mr. Bonnefoy bid us good night. Usually Mr. Bonnefoy would reply with a witty reply but the man looked too tired to.

As he wove through us to get to the door, for just a measly split second he placed his hand on my shoulder and gave me a troubled grin as he passed me. I could tell he felt sorry for me.

"Alright let's go," Mr. Kirkland barked at me as he placed his palm on my shoulder blade and pushed me forward out into the hall. Well this sucked.

Out in the hallway were most of the other students who were told to step out of their dorms.

They all looked to me with wondering eyes. I especially saw Gil through the crowded hallway. His red eyes were widened, looking helpless and worried.

I think he thought I would rat him out. But I would never do that. I wasn't much of a hero tonight but I still wasn't going to drag him down with me. Even if he was guilty.

Whispers spread through the hallway as I felt my stomach churn. Hmmmm. That was my thinking face.

Oh I know.

I met Gilbert's stare with my own blue eyes. I gave him a quick thumbs up and a winning smile to let him know it was all good. As soon as I did that his tense shoulders visibly slacked with relief. He got the message because; he was just 'awesome' like that.

Mr. Kirkland rolled his eyes as he grabbed my shirt collar and hauled me away from my dorm room and to the headmaster's.

Blegh. Ok Gil, all is forgiven. But buy me a cheeseburger if I survive will ya? You too Mattie.

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**A/N: Whatcha think?! :D I liked it….Anyways, this is a story that will be about maybe three to six chapters to the most. I hoped you liked it.**

**England: *Rolls eye* review I guess…**

**Spades: Hey be nice! I want them to review, favorite, comment, review, follow, and all that jazz! :D **

**England: =.= What do I get in return?**

**Spades: Let's see, this is a fic between you and America soooOooo, I guess that means you get America?**

**America: *Chokes on hamburger* *Cough, cough* WHAT?!**

**Spades: Nothin….**

**England: *Nose bleeds because of dirty fantasies ;D* DEAL! REVIEW! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGs HOLY, REVIEW!**

**Thank you!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here's the second chapter for you lovelies. I got good reviews on the last chapter; they made me really happy and want to post the next chapter as soon as humanly possible with it not being utter crap. So here's this chapter. I'm about to write it and let's see how it turns out. Keep in mind my older brother is sitting right behind me and can see everything I'm writing….Sigh. I really need to buy a laptop.**

**In reply to reviews:**

**MomoPeachFlower: Aww thank you, and I like your username ^J^**

**Carbo21: Yeah sadly Alfred's gonna take the heat. But that's what heroes do! And oh my glob that's hilarious. Your poor husband, but show your American pride! :D**

**OutToGarden: I absolutely adore your review. It made me text my best friend and I was like 'YESSSSH'. I was bouncing off of the walls. Aww your poor cowies. And I do like americalovesthecockpit too. Her writing always makes me laugh and cheer up. She's the reason why I decided to write this in a first person point of view (but not so cracky like hers) because she makes it look so easy and awesome. I like to make people laugh also so my best friend Evelynn said 'be yourself' so this is how this fanfic was born. I'm not very good at writing stuffy things. And I find it is a lot easier to write in first person, also I'm not too far off from America's personality myself, so it's a lot easier to write this. Part of the reason that I cosplay America. Yes Alfred will get laid xD eventually. Without further ado, thank you a whole lot. Your review made me uber special happy!**

**Warnings: Sexual intercourse, slight shouta I guess, mentions of vandalism. YAOI. All that jazz.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or any of its characters.**

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**Chapter 2:**

The walk down to the headmaster's office was full of shame to say the least. Mr. Kirkland kept a firm hand on my shirt collar all the way there. Whenever we passed some students that were still outside of their dorms they would glare at me. So, I stuck my tongue out at them while pulling down my bottom eyelid with my finger. Classic. Not to mention that when Kirkland was dragging me across the school grounds by my pajama shirt it reminded me of a horror movie. Although I will _never _admit it to anyone but you guys, I hate horror movies, with a passion. Unless they're the ones Kiku watches, they're always cutsie. Anyways so yeah I was being pulled my shirt collar by an angry British man.

If this was a Hollywood blockbuster horror movie, I'd name it, "REVENGE OF THE CATERPILLAR EYEBROWS!"

Awesome, right? I didn't think Mr. Kirkland would find it as funny as I did though so I kept my mouth shut.

I think Mr. Braginski was the only other teacher that hated me more than Mr. Kirkland. Ya see, Mr. Braginski didn't even have to say anything to you, to scare the jelly beans out of you. If he was angry at you, he wouldn't say a thing. He would just stare at you for the entire class, and smile at you. It was a creepy ass smile though, one that made you wanna cry. Don't even get me started on this next one. You know how teachers sometimes smack a student's desk with a ruler to get that student to pay attention? Yes? Well, Mr. Braginski didn't use a ruler. He used a lead _pipe. _I'm not kidding on this one. And every time someone's desk got smacked with that pipe, the desk would have a new dent in it. You should see my desk; it looked like a gang took a bunch of metal bats to it. I'm dead serious.

Getting back on topic, once we got to the headmaster's office, the headmaster himself was already waiting for us. He sat in his rolly chair at his desk, in his pajamas with his head held in his hands. Looking like death. Good to know I'm the one that caused him to be in a bad mood. Sarcastically speaking of course. Ya know, now that I think about it- how come everyone was dressed in their pajamas except Mr. Kirkland? Like seriously, Mr. Bonnefoy wore his weird ass silk fabric pajamas, and the headmaster was in his plaid pajamas. But what was Mr. Kirkland wearing you ask?

A suit. A full three piece suit with the tie, loafers, and everything else. I wonder if he slept in that.

Anyways, I strode into the room and took my seat in front of the headmaster's desk, while Mr. 'I'm so superior' took to standing in the corner with his arms crossed over his chest. At the same time he was smirking at the scene displayed in front of him. What I would have given to wipe that smirk off of his face with my fist.

Scratch that, screw him, I'd give anything for a deluxe bacon cheeseburger. Oh my god food. When (if) I got back to my dorm I was going to raid the fridge as if this was Pirates of the Caribbean. Gotta love Jack Sparrow.

The headmaster's office was eerie to say the least. Not to mention completely bland. Why anybody liked a bland office was beyond me. I mean come on; you already got a soul sucking job, so why make your workspace boring too? If I ever get an office job my office would have like American flags everywhere and superhero posters! Oh and rainbows! I like rainbows…

Rainbows remind me of candy. Mm candy.

Oh and not to mention, why do people hang up their certificates all over their office's walls. Are they just showing off or is it required? Seriously if you know, get back to me on that.

"So, Mr. Jones care to explain?" The headmaster spoke up. I cringed at the name. Mr. Jones? Seriously. What was I a grown up now? Ew.

"It's uh, Alfred. And sure I guess…?" Was this a trick question? What's to explain? 

"Very well. I would like you to watch the surveillance footage and then explain it to me," he told me while digging through his drawer. From what I could tell it sounded like a messy drawer.

"M'kay." I replied, twiddling my thumbs. The headmaster nodded and took out a small tablet looking thing and placed it in front of me on the desk. The tablet thing clicked on and then I got an overview shot of the teachers' lounge from about twenty minutes ago.

I saw me and Gilbert walk into the room, decked out in our "burglar" clothes. Immediately Gil went up to the wall and took out a can of spray paint from my backpack, gave it a good shake, then pointed it at the wall and began his work. Meanwhile I saw me standing by the door looking nervous. The whole video was basically me looking like I was about to piss myself while standing watch, while Gil defaced the wall. Then the video ended with us running out of the room.

"I already know you aren't the one that actually painted the wall. So why don't you explain to me why you were standing guard," the headmaster spoke calmly.

"How do you know I wasn't the one who painted the wall?" I inquired, already on the defensive.

"Easy," he replied, "I know for a fact that you don't speak German."

"And what if I do?" I challenged. Ya see a normal person would have said they were the one standing guard (and I was), to seem more innocent. But I didn't want Gilbert to get into trouble. So I told myself to just deny everything. Yeah Alfred, that'll get ya real far. Sarcasm.

Looking irritated, the headmaster took out a piece of paper and pen and started to scribble something on it, then handed it to me.

I looked at it curiously, it read, '_Guten Tag, Schulleiter. Ich kann Deutsch sprechen'. _What the fuck? My brows furrowed in confusion as I looked back to him. What was this gibberish?

"I would like you to read that out loud," he instructed, motioning his hand to the slip of paper. Yeah I don't know German. Chances were, I completely butchered it.

So I tried my best, "Goten tog, Skalliter. Ich can Duchish sprecken." Yep, I completely butchered it. From behind me I could hear Mr. Fucktard, I mean Kirkland, chuckling. I turned red. Bastard.

"Yeah, you can't speak German. So obviously you weren't the one that spray painted the wall because they put something in German. Why don't you tell me what you were doing standing guard and who the student was that actually painted the wall, hm?"

I sighed, "I -uh my friend talked me into it. But I'm not telling you who did it," I stood my ground. Who's awesome now Gilbert?! Come at me bro.

The headmaster sighed, "You realize if you don't tell me I will have to give you full punishment for what they did."

Fuckity fuck, fuck. That was what I was afraid of. "Yeah," I grumbled in response.

"You sure?" He leered.

"Yeah," I sighed. Just get on with it man!

It was silent for a second. Ugh, dude don't leave me hanging. Just tell me what I gotta do!

"Even though I will expel you?"

I gripped my knees while my head hung low. My Mom was going to maul me. "Yeah," I replied again with another sigh.

"You know you remind me of myself when I was your age," he began. Here it goes. I gave him a deadpanned look. I hate when adult's say that. "So I suppose I will let you off easy. You stood in your friends place even though I was going to expel you. That takes courage. Even though what you did was wrong, I admire you in some ways. You're lucky I like your spunk. Also I took a peek at your record; it looks like this is the first time you have done something like this. So I will excuse you just this once," Mother of God, was he serious?!

My eyes widened, "Really?" I treaded carefully, but I could already feel the giant smile breaking across my face. Was he serious? I was surprised Mr. Kirkland didn't jump in to protest. Seeing as how the asshole he was.

"Sadly, yes. How about I give you two days of in school will give you enough time to repaint the wall. And then you have two months of after school detention every other day for two hours. Know this though, if you do anything else like this ever again I will not hesitate to expel you. Understood?" he explained, stroking his beard. That didn't sound too bad. At least now I wouldn't get expelled. My parents would have killed me.

I smiled brightly, "Ok! Yeah, understood!" I agreed. Ok, so I didn't get off scot free. But this was pretty damn close. I could have hugged the man!

Now I had the honor to say, 'FUCK YESH!'

"The problem is, I don't know if I have a teacher who is willing to chaperone your detentions. I suppose I could have them rotate-" He thought aloud.

But was cut off when Mr. Kirkland announced, "I will."

I turned around in my chair to gape at Mr. Kirkland with wide eyes. He just looked back at me though with amusement in his own eyes while having a smirk plastered to his face.

"You will? That's great! Well Alfred I guess that means starting Monday you will have in school suspension and then after that you will have detention for two hours after school every other day with Mr. Kirkland. Any questions?"

Welp. I hate the world.

"No," I sighed, defeated.

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I danced along with the cheeseburgers and hot dogs on top of the giant rainbow with joy. This was the life. There were ice cream mountains and milkshakes for rivers. This was utter bliss.

Too bad it ended when Mattie threw a pillow at my face, making me wake up from my awesome dream.

A pillow to the face was no way to wake up.

I made an 'oomph' noise when Mattie's Canadian flag pillow came in contact with my face.

"Alfred get your butt up. I'm not going to be late for the 'usual spot' because of you," he griped, storming into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Already Mattie wasn't happy with me, so I got out of bed to make sure he didn't become any more irritated with me. Obviously Mattie was angry with me for taking the fall for Gil. He said I got 'lucky' for not getting expelled. When I came back from the headmaster's last night and told him what had happened he was not happy with me at all. I didn't even get to raid the fridge. As soon as I was done telling him what happened he yelled at me to get to bed. Just like Mom.

Oh and in case you are wondering what the 'usual spot' is, that was what we called the room where we and our friends met up. Sometime during freshmen year me and Kiku found this abandoned faculty room in the main school building. No one ever came in there, not even teachers. It really was just an abandoned room. Best part was the room had a coffee maker, a fridge, cabinets, a stove, an oven, and even tables and chairs. It was like a whole kitchen! Sadly the room was quite bland though. Anyways, us and the gang usually met up there before school started in the morning to have breakfast together. Someone would restock the fridge with groceries every Sunday. But we took turns of course so it would be fair.

So yeah, I got out of bed so Mattie wouldn't be even more irritated with me. But when I 'stood up from bed', I realized that I forgot me and Mattie had a bunk bed. And I had top bunk.

Put two and two together, and you would know that it meant I fell from about six feet up and to the floor with a pained groan. Ouchies.

Matthew came back into the room just in time to see me on the floor with a pained expression. "You fell again didn't you?" he huffed.

"Mhm," I winced as I peeled myself off from the floor. That shit hurt. Nothing like a good wake up call, am I right?

"So what kind of week is it?" I inquired while dusting myself off. He hummed it response, "I believe it's healthy week."

"Fuuuuck," I groaned. Alright let me explain this to you too. Healthy week was what we called it when Kiku or Feliks bought groceries for the usual spot. Because what they bought for us to eat for the week was usually a bunch of healthy shit that no one liked. For Toris and Elizabeta it was known as bland week because they would buy a bunch of starchy foods. For me and Gil it was known as 'awesome week' because we would buy a bunch of junk food. Feliciano and Lovino's week was known as 'pasta' week (I think that one is self-explanatory). And then Mattie's week was called 'Maple' week because he would buy a bunch of stuff to make weird Canadian dishes, like 'poutine'.

"You know it's not bad to eat healthy food sometimes Al. By the way, you need to dress in old clothes if you are going to be re-painting the wall," Matthew explained as he began to get dressed.

"Yeah, yeah," I mocked as I walked into the bathroom and did my own morning routine and then dressed in tight fitted black denim jeans with a pull over red hoodie and old white beat up sneakers. Normally I would have worn my prized bomber jacket but I didn't want to get paint on it.

With a quick flick of the wrist to put my glasses on I was ready for my terrible day of wall painting. Great.

"Come on," Mattie waved to me as he opened our dorm room door and stepped out into the hallway with his backpack on his back. I could already tell he was starting to forgive me. He usually didn't stay mad for long. Thank god.

XXXXXxxxxxxXXXXX

The walk to the usual spot was quick and filled with small talk and my excessive teasing.

As soon as I opened the door to the abandoned faculty room I saw all of our friends already there sitting at the table exchanging conversations with a look of concern. Upon seeing me they all jumped up and starting saying things like:

"Alfred! I can't believe you took the fall for that idiot!" That was Elizbeta.

"Alfred-san what happened?" That was Kiku.

"Like what happened or whatever?" That was Feliks.

"Did you get expelled?" That was Toris.

"Ve~ You shouldn't have done that Alfred." That was Feliciano.

"Feliciano shut it!" That was his 'loving' brother, Lovino.

"You didn't rat me out did you?" And the that was Gil.

I held up my hands in defense as I smiled sheepishly, "Dudes calm down, I'm fine. No I didn't rat you out. And no I didn't get expelled."

After that they all sighed in relied and allowed me to walk into the room and sit down without them attacking me with any more questions, until I sat down. Once I did sit down at the table along with Mattie, they started asking questions though once again.

What was I on a talk show? Like Ellen or something like that.

"So what did happen?" Kiku asked calmly, his emotionless brown eyes trained on me.

"Oh, well I got a two days suspension where I have to repaint the stupid wall. And then for two whole months I gotta go through two hours of detention with Mr. Kirkland after school hours, thanks a lot Gil," I pouted, looking to Gilbert. Yeah he should feel guilty.

"Doesn't Mr. Kirkland not like you very much?" Toris asked. I huffed, "Yeah he doesn't. I think he volunteered to chaperone me because he wants to torture me."

"He vorunteered?" Kiku asked, raising an eyebrow. I nodded, "Yeah, weird right? Gil, you owe me your life. They were going to expel me," I grumbled.

"Sorry. But vhat made them not expel you? They would have certainly expelled me!" Gilbert exclaimed exasperatedly, throwing his hands up in the air.

I sighed for the thousandth time that week, "I don't know. The headmaster said something about me reminding him of himself when he was our age. And also he said it took guts for me to stand my ground and something about how I don't have any black marks on my record. So, he let me off easy."

"That is extraordinary," Kiku commented, seemingly interested.

"So, what do you guys, like, want for breakfast?" Feliks asked, opening the fridge.

"A burger," I grumbled.

"PASTA!" Feliciano cheered.

"Pancakes?" Mattie suggested.

"Vurst!" GIlbert chided.

"Rice balls…" Kiku mumbled.

"Like, only two of those foods are actual breakfast foods. So I say it's either wurst or pancakes?"

Everyone chose pancakes (except for Gilbert) and Mattie ended up cooking them while we all had coffee, tea, and water. We were an odd bunch to say the least.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxXXXXXXX

The two days of suspension flew by. I didn't bother writing it because honestly who wants to read about paint drying? It was a terrible experience. Seriously, all it was- was me painting a wall. So let's cut to the good stuff of where my school detention started.

But now it was Wednesday and I had classes as usual. But with the added in fact that all the teachers were glaring at me the whole time. Mr. Braginski practically had dark aura rolling off of him the entire class period. I was honestly afraid for my life.

Even my peers were glaring at me because, and I quote, "My stunt cost them their sleep and then they lost their precious football game".

Oh, and let's not forget this one. I WAS FUCKING STARVING.

I had breakfast with my friends (doughnuts to be exact), but I didn't have lunch. Have you ever experienced a lunch ladies glare? They glare at you with their tiny beady crinkled eyes and they curl up their cracked lips in disgust. It was like having your grandma mad at you! It was terrible. Every time I got close to a lunch line they would glare at me and made me rethink my decision. And now for the last period of the day I had English class (with Mr. Kirkland) and my stomach was practically eating my insides. As soon as the class was over I was going to call Gilbert and demand that he pick me up a bacon cheeseburger from McDonalds. Because dammit I hadn't had McDonalds in four days! I was going through McDonalds withdraw! That is a crime in my book!

So where was I now you ask? Well I was heading to English class until I had a brush with the jocks. So currently I was jammed into a trash can in an unoccupied Spanish classroom. Because as I had said before, apparently it was my fault that they lost their football game. Well maybe if they played better they wouldn't have had that problem.

Worst part was, I knew for a fact that class had already started and now I was going to be late and Mr. Kirkland would be twice more pissed off with me.

And let me tell you something, I'm not the right body size to fit into a trash can! My knees were practically digging into my ribs and my legs were pointing straight up to the point where my nose was touching my shins and my converse shoes stuck out of the trash can. Also my arms were crammed to the side at a painful angle.

Once again my phone buzzed in my pocket. It was probably Kiku texting me, asking where I was. Cause ya know, we did have English class together.

Ok, so I had two options here, rock side to side, until the trash can fell over and then I could attempt to crawl out. Or, I could try and get to my phone. Well the first one sounded painful, so I chose the latter. Most likely I should have done something earlier because, let's see. I had been in there for about, twenty-five minutes. There was about twenty minutes of class left. For the first twenty-five minutes I sat in there thinking about random shit.

Carefully, I bent my arm at a strange angle as I sucked in my gut and reached for my phone in my pocket.

"Almost got it," I hissed at the pain as I reached for my vibrating phone. Slowly, it slipped out of my pocket and I was able to grab it.

VICTORY!

Next time I see those jocks I would kick their asses. After all, I was stronger than all of them.

I unlocked my phone by swiping my finger across the screen and read my text messages. I had four new messages to be exact. All from my friends.

**From: Kiku**

Alfred-san you're five minutes late. You know Mr. Kirkland will not appreciate it.

Message stored at: 1:52 pm

**From: Mattie**

Al where are you? Kiku told me you never showed up to class.

Message stored at: 2:03 pm

**From: Gilbert**

Yo, where are you? Matthew said Kiku told him you never showed up to class. If you were ditching you should have told the awesome me, we could have ditched together.

Messages stored at: 2:19

**From: Kiku**

Are you alright? Please answer back.

Message stored at: 2:27

My friends were always such worry warts. Quickly I replied to Kiku's text.

**To Kiku:**

Dude I'll explain later but ask to go to the bathroom and then walk to the Spanish 8 classroom. I'm in there. Hurry up will ya

Message sent at: 2:29

So now I waited.

About ten minutes late I heard the door creak open and a timid voice call out, "Alfred-san?" It was Kiku

"I'm in here!" I yelled, to emphasize my point I wiggled back and forth in the trash can.

I heard footsteps get closer to me and soon enough Kiku's head appeared above the trashcan, looking down at me.

"Alfred-san, what happened?" he asked me with wide eyes, and concern laced in his voice.

I gave him a deadpanned look, "I like trashcans so I decided to mate with it. What do you think happened?!" I exclaimed.

"Gomennasai. Well how do you want to do this?" He asked me. "Tip me over or something, so I kind of spill out or something. I don't know," I huffed.

Nodding, Kiku gently tipped the trashcan forward so the heels of my shoes slightly touched the floor. Next he grabbed the bottom of the trash bin, picked it up, and shook. Next thing I know I'm slowly sliding out of my stinky confinement. I probably looked like a turtle once all my limbs were out except my butt.

Then that came out as well. I sucked in a deep breath with glee as I stretched out my aching muscles. "Thanks dude," I smiled brightly.

He nodded, "So what did happen?" he inquired.

"Jocks, ya know the deal," I waved it off as we walked out of the classroom.

"You do know Mr. Kirkland will most likely scold you," Kiku pointed out.

"Yeah, I know," I ran a hand through my messy hair. I had about ten minutes left of class and then my detention session began.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxx

**A/N: Over 4,000 words. Blegh. I usually write more than that but I just wanted to start writing chapter 3 so bad! Not to mention it's late at night. Sadly there was not much conflict between Arthur and Alfred this chapter but there will be tons next chapter. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go revise this shit and edit. Tree-hah!**

**England: I thought you said if they reviewed I would get America =.=**

**Spades: In time yes. Chapter four is where you get to molest him I think…**

**America: Do I get a say in this?**

**Spades: Nope :D**

**England: Now if you will excuse me, I am going to bed because at my place it is 4 am in the bloody morning!**

**Spades: Fair enough, America, you get the honors then.**

**America: HELL YEAH I DO! Review please! And don't mind Iggy he's just prissy that he doesn't get my sexy body yet ;P**

**Spades: Oh that reminds me, I will take request for kinky stuff you want to see Arthur and Alfred do later on. Be creative. You have no idea how excited I am to write Alfred getting molested!**

**Anyways, review and all that good stuff. Reviews truly are love and they make me inspired to get new chapters up faster!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes: Well hello and longtime no see. I give you the right to punch me if you ever meet me because I haven't updated in a good 4 months. It's not that I have writers block. I actually have a lot of ideas for this story. I'm just a lazy fuck that procrastinates too much. So I am very sorry.**

**Disclaimer: If you've never seen an episode of Hetalia where England and America have sex in the world meeting, then you can kinda guess I do not own anything from Hetalia. Sadly TT~TT**

**Warning: All the same warnings from last chappie.**

**Enjoy!~**

"Seriously?" Kiku asked, one eyebrow slightly rose at what I had previously told him. I guess that meant he was actually interested in what I was saying for a change. Usually he showed no emotion at all. Well, I guess sometimes he did. But not often.

"Yeah! It was really weird; the little girl came up to me and was like 'Are you super man?' And I was like, 'Uhhh,' but then I saw her dad give me a death stare so then I said, 'Yup! I'm superman all right!' Then when they walked away I kept hearing the little girl saying 'It was superman! Daddy can I get a superman shirt too?!'" I told the rest of my story about the last time I wore what I was currently wearing, via superman hoodie.

Kiku chuckled as we strode down the hall. Nothing like laughing at your friend's misfortune.

But seriously that really happened to me, I was at the dollar store (in the sweets isle) and this little girl just came up to me and started calling me superman. The weirdest stuff happens to me I swear.

"Alfred-san your stories are always...interesting," he grinned.

I laughed, "Hey Mattie said the same thing!"

"Wouldn't doubt it."

Walking to the English classroom in general wasn't long at all. It was just sort of nerve wracking. Ya know? What with me feeling sick to my stomach cause I didn't want to get yelled at, and Kiku worrying that I would get yelled at. I tried to keep up a conversation though as best I could to ease the stress.

How can I explain my feeling of dread more to you guys in a way you will understand though?

Hmmm.

Oh I know! It's like when you have to run the mile in gym class! If you're fit, running the mile is easy for you and you're fine with running it. However, if you're unfit like me, the mile run is the worst experience ever and every time the teacher says, "We're running the mile today!" with that big ass grin you feel fear swell in your chest and next thing ya know you're having a nervous breakdown right in the middle of the gymnasium, in front of everybody.

Good times...good times.

In this case if you're a good student, (like Kiku) you don't have to be worried about being yelled at by Mr. Kirkland. But if Mr. Kirkland hates your guts, (like me) and wants to rip out your soul then you're a hell of a lot afraid to be late to his class. Because god knows you're gonna get mentally scarred with all the weird, foreign curse words he'd shout at you. I'm telling ya, if Mr. Kirkland and the superintendent weren't such good friends, Mr. Kirkland would be fired by now with all the things he's said to students in the past.

Just saying.

We had finally made it to our destination; Kiku paused at the classroom door and looked at me with a worried glance, "Are you ok Alfred-san?" He asked me. I nodded, smiling wide, "Yeah dude I'm fine!"

No I wasn't. I really wasn't. I tried to hide it but after my story telling I fell silent and I couldn't help but letting my mind race.

I think Kiku knew I was lying. He gave me a small smile, then reached for the doorknob, "It'll be fine," he reassured in his heavy Japanese accent. Under his breath though I could hear him mumble "Hopefully...," as he opened the door.

I think I needed to change my boxers….

Kiku walked in first while I still lingered behind the door.

Ugh, I hated this. You know what I mean right? When you walk into a class late or if you're coming back from a restroom trip. As soon as you open the door to your class- all eyes are on you. Is school really that boring that we all get distracted so easily like that? Who do they think is coming through the door? Santa or Jeff the Killer?

Oh god I hate Jeff the Killer. Dude freaks me the fuck out. How come scary stuff is like that? They always make stuff connected to things that are inevitable. For example, Bloody Mary. When I was little I always dodged mirrors because of that story. But I had to take a shower sometime….Also like Jeff the Killer, I think what makes him so scary is that you can't avoid him because you have to sleep sometime! Or maybe it's his face...Yeesh. But if you actually like Jeff then that's cool too! He just scares me is all...

Sorry, went off topic.

Anyway, and then it happened. Out of nowhere we heard, "Class dismissed!"

Suddenly, students were filing out of the class like bats running out of hell (in my opinion, Mr. Kirkland's class was hell on earth), Kiku and me nearly getting trampled over in the doorway. Quickly, Kiku grabbed my sleeve, pulled me into the classroom and away from the door before we could get plowed over.

Soon after, they started swarming out into the hallway and the clicks of other doors opening rung through the previously quiet hallways followed by the slam of the doors hitting the walls carelessly.

Soon the whole hallway was like a giant riot.

At the same time me and Kiku both sighed in relief that we didn't get horribly maimed. Gotta love the end of the school day, am I right or what?

The last couple students who were in the room collected their books and made their way out of the door too. When they left, I looked back into the room and I saw Mr. Kirkland standing by his desk with his arms folded over his chest. First his eyes landed on Kiku and then he looked to me, his eyes turned dark and gave me his infamous stare that would make anyone want to drop dead where they stood. Or wet themselves...I was sort of two for two at that point.

"Ah, finally decided to show up to my class Mr. Jones?" He asked pleasantly, with a fake smile that didn't reach his eyes, "I'm sorry to say you missed the whole thing," Mr. Kirkland added bitterly, his fake demeanor quickly fading into his usual scowling, short tempered self.

My mind ran with a thousand excuses all in one second. But I didn't know what to say. It's like my mind was a TV and the screen just went all staticy. There wasn't anything going through this brain. And don't you dare say, 'Of course there's not,' Ok? Yeah you see, I'm so smart I knew you were going to think that.

Nuff said.

"Alfred-san would have been here but he was in a bit of a predicament," Kiku stepped in for me, not missing a single beat. Gotta love Kiku.

Mr. Kirkland hummed lowly as he gave me a glance over, his skeptical stare burning into me. Likely trying to figure out if Kiku really was telling the truth or not.

"How unfortunate," he finally said in an unamused voice. "Thank you Mr. Honda for bringing him back, you may leave now."

Kiku nodded, breaking eye contact with Mr. Kirkland. He turned to me and gave me one more reassuring glance before walking calmly and briskly to his assigned seat, collecting his things, and then leaving. Not sparing me another glance as I watched him go.

Kirkland turned back to me, "Sit in your usual seat," he instructed irritably, pointing to my seat at the front of the class.

"I have to go fetch some papers from the copier room," he explained as he unlocked one of the drawers from his desk. Once the lock clicked open his eyes flicked back up to give me an assertive look, "While I am gone you are to go nowhere, stay in your seat, and when I get back I expect a full explanation as to why you missed my entire class. Am I understood?" He asked sternly.

I looked to him; usually I'd pull a joke right about now. But after I looked at his face and saw the death glare, I decided against it.

"Yeah I hear ya," I sighed, plopping down in my seat and holding my head in my hand. I was already bored. Dude needed to put some colorful posters up in his classroom like the other teachers. Please refer to chapter 2 where I asked why people gotta decorate with boring shit.

Mr. Kirkland looked at me suspiciously; I looked back at him boredly. Deciding he won, finally he looked away, grabbed a ring of keys from his drawer and left the classroom with his usual superior attitude.

My eyes followed him until I heard the click of the door shutting. Locking me inside. Completely alone.

Lazily, I swung my legs back and forth and hummed lightly.

I was still hungry. Seeing as how the lunch ladies now hated me. I could soooo have gone for a big mac. With extra cheese and bacon. Oh god now I was starving even more!

My stomach rumbled in agreement.

Traitor.

Hmmmm. Oh I had an idea!

Smiling at my geniusness, I reached into my sweatshirt pocket and grabbed my phone.

I flipped it open (yes I had an old flip phone, deal with it) and quickly typed in one of my most used numbers. When it began ringing I pressed it to my ear. I waited with- honestly, little to no patience.

Not even two fucks given.

Click. Thank god he picked up.

"_Alfred vhat do you vant_? _Vait, vhere are you_?" Gilbert asked on the other side of the line.

"I'm in Kirkland's class. But that's besides the point. Dude I need you to do me a big favor!" I exclaimed, getting straight to the point.

"_Vhen did you get zhere? Birdie told me Kiku texted him that you never showed up, he vas vorried._"

I face palmed. Great, I was gonna get another earful from Mattie.

"I got stuffed into a trash can."

"_Vhat?_"

"I. Got. Stuffed. Into. A. Trashcan," I spoke slowly and firmly. "Now do me a favor!"

"_Vhy vere you stuffed in a trashcan_?" I could hear Gilbert from the other side of the phone trying to hold back snickers of laughter and failing miserably. Douche.

"Doesn't matter!" I whined.

Gilbert laughed loudly with a weird mixture of his 'kesesese'. "_Alright alright, but I vant the full story later,_" he let out a few more snickers.

I was not amused if you can tell. Like I'm pretty sure I had that face that looked like 'I will eat your soul'.

"Alright. I need you to go to McDonald's and get me a big mac with extra cheese and bacon. And make sure they put some pickles on it!"

Seriously what is wrong with McDonald's? They always forget to put pickles on my burger. This wasn't SpongeBob and I wasn't bubblebath. I mean come on I went there a lot. You think they'd remember my order. Especially since after every time the lady gave me my order she said, "See you tomorrow."

Hey she doesn't know my schedule! But I'll see her tomorrow...

"_...Vhy should I buy you McDonald's?_"

"Because it's your fault I have detention and can't get one myself. And it's your fault that the lunch ladies hate me! Now get me a fucking burger and slip it under the door before Kirkland comes back-" I yelled into the phone before it was plucked from my hand. "Hey!" I cried out as I whipped around to see who had grabbed the device out of my hand. I was full on ready to punch someone at that moment. I wanted my big mac is that too much to ask? All I wanted was a burger.

When I turned around I was met with none other than Mr. Eyebrows, who apparently returned already from the printer room, and somehow over my yelling I didn't hear him slip back into the room.

"There will be no use of cellphones either," he stated, with his bushy brows knitted together as he flipped my phone shut and pocketed my beloved phone.

My beautiful phone...

Briskly, he walked away from me and over to his desk. He laid down the stack of papers that were previously in his arms onto the desk and with a sigh he sat down in his chair. Silently he straightened his tie, and combed a distressed hand through his casually messy hair. He breathed in and out deeply as if he was trying to calm himself down so he wouldn't kill someone. That someone was most likely me.

Man this guy really was like a ticking time bomb.

A very fussy, British time bomb.

Pouting from the loss of my phone and my only hope of getting a burger, I twiddling my thumbs and hoped if I didn't make a sound I would somehow disappear. Where's Harry Potter and his cloak of invisibility when you need him.

"From what I heard you said you got yourself 'stuffed into a trashcan'. I know you're not the brightest, Jones but one does not just simply fall into a waste bin," he deadpanned, but yet still wore an almost teasing smirk with humor hidden behind it.

I have him know I own a t-shirt that said, "Brightest crayon in the box".

Like I have this awesome idea of how to save the polar bears!

They die from heat and stuff right? Well, why not shave them?! Am I right or am I right? Also we could give them floaties. Polar bear floaties! That'd be so cute. Although when I told Mattie about my plan he whapped me upside my head.

He stared back expectantly with a glint of amusement as I stared back stubbornly.

"Well?" He asked impatiently.

Hey I'm a lot of things but I ain't a snitch, I think we've established that with my current situation.

I hated the jocks but the last thing I needed was me getting them into trouble. Because then people would be saying, "What ever happened to Alfred?"

And no one would know. You get the point?

"Jones," he spoke a bit more sternly, clearly wanting an answer.

I sighed. Well let's see how this lie goes shall we.

"I was walking to English and I was actually going to be on time!" I pointed out specifically. In return Mr. Kirkland rolled his eyes in disbelief. Let's face it, I was never going to be on time but I actually could have been for once if it weren't for those jerks!

"And while I was walking here I remembered I forgot a pencil so I went into the nearest classroom and looked for one. I couldn't find any so I searched through the trash and I fell in?" As I went through telling the story of my lie, I realized how ridiculous I sounded. My face dropped when it occurred to me not even the dumbest person on the planet would believe that excuse.

As I had predicted, it didn't work at all.

Mr. Kirkland didn't look impressed but his eyes still carried the same glint of amusement and the corner of his mouth still curved up into a smirk.

"Do you actually expect me to believe that poor excuse of an excuse?" He asked bluntly.

I sighed again, letting my eyes drop, "Not really."

"Very well, I won't push any further but I am adding another half hour onto your detention for being extremely late and making up an absolutely horrid excuse," Kirkland stated nonchalantly, as he took out a red pen and started to grade papers. At least that's what it looked like.

"Oh come on man! I was late, I'm sorry but I don't want to stay here longer!" I whined.

"I don't particularly want you here longer either but it's the proper punishment for being inexcusably late. Not even late, more like skiving my class," Mr. Kirkland retorted, not even looking up at me. Yet I could still see him wearing a smirk.

What a limey! As my friend, Tony, would call him.

"Hey if you didn't want me here you should've thought about it before volunteering to chaperone me," I huffed.

Mr. Kirkland gave me a brief warning glare, I stared back, and then finally I broke eye contact and let my eyes drop to the floor. Well I lost that argument.

The room fell almost completely silent. The only sound was the echoes of Mr. Kirkland's pen gliding across the papers, marking grades.

Grades that would likely crush student's hearts.

Lightly I drummed my fingers on the desk. Occasionally I looked out the window, watching the clouds slip across the sky. Sometimes I would casually look at the clock or read one of the few posters Mr. Kirkland had hanging around his room.

Like one that said, "Let's eat Grandma. Let's eat, Grandma. Commas save lives."

Well it was an English classroom.

Point was I was bored. Also very hungry, might I add.

Dude. My hoodie. I completely forgot.

Instantly, I began the awkward process of trying to get my hoodie off as fast as possible.

Kirkland paused his previous work and looked at me with that look of, 'what the fuck?'

I probably did look weird.

I mean come on; everyone looks weird when taking off their hoodie because you look like this headless worm trying to get out of some grubby little kid's hand.

Let's not even talk about the part where you can't see.

Successfully, I was able to get the hoodie off with mild struggle. Flipping the hoodie upside down, I proudly shook it over my desk.

Candy then started down pouring out of my hoodie. It was like a magical fatty rainbow!

I completely forgot that my superman hoodie had candy stashed in it. There's like these weird holes by the sleeves that opens to the inside of the hoodie between the two layers.

The perfect place to stash candy.

Dumbfounded, Mr. Kirkland blinked at the pile of candy pouring out of my hoodie. While I smiled with pride at my sugar infested rainbow. This pile would put all trick or treaters to shame.

Once I was sure I got every last piece out, I dug in.

I of course, grabbed a bright cherry red lollipop of choice.

After blinking a couple times, Mr. Kirkland regained his senses, he snapped, "No food either! I would have thought I wouldn't of had to spell it out."

Looking to him and then the lollipop, I pouted, "Oh come on! I'm hungry! I didn't have lunch and you destroyed my burger plan so can't I at least have a piece of candy?"

He rolled his eyes, "Oh yes, because sweets are going to sustain you," sarcasm basically rolled off of him. "All that would do is rot your teeth," he deadpanned.

Hmm, time to pull out the big guns.

With practiced ease, I slightly pushed my bottom lip out, and made my eyes teary eyed while trying to make them seem as big as possible behind my glasses.

The perfect puppy dog look.

We stared down each other. He winced slightly, and then finally he actually looked away with furrowed eyebrows and what seemed to be sort of a blush as he glared out the window.

Weird.

"Fine rot your teeth," he grumbled, returning to his work.

Victory!

Smiling wide, I tore off the wrapper of it and started to eat it while putting the leftover candy back into my hoodie.

His eyes stole a glance at me, he sighed at the sight of me gobbling the delicious treat. The blush still lingered on his face though, ever so slightly, as he oddly pressed his knees together.

Maybe he had to pee. That was my guess anyways.

It must have been hot in here or something to cause that weird blushing though. Or maybe it was flushing. Hey that rhymed!

XxxXxxxx

Eventually I finished sucking on my lollipop and proceeded to crunch on it. Which was awkward, considering the room was almost dead silent. I tried my best not to disrupt that silence because each time I so much as shifted in my seat Mr. Kirkland would look up at me irritably.

Slowly, I crunched down on the candy, it cracked loudly. I did it again as I watched Mr. Kirkland, hoping he wouldn't look up at me so we wouldn't have that awkward eye contact moment. Then I continued to munch on it slowly and cautiously, cringing every time it made a loud crack.

I hated how much noise it was making. Apparently Mr. Kirkland did too because he stopped writing and looked up at me stone-faced.

"Honestly Jones, could you be any louder," he asked rhetorically.

I finished my chomping before I replied, "It's not like I'm doing it on purpose."

He sighed as he stood up, "Never mind."

Casually, he strode over to the classroom door, "As it would seem, I have another errand to run. Same rules as last, stay seated, no electronics, don't make noise-"

I cut him off, "So I can't breathe?"

He glared, "Unfortunately I'm required to let you breathe." His lips that were previously pulled into a thin, straight line, ever so slightly became a smirk, "Just imagine how the board would react if I was the cause of a student's death, I'd be unemployed."

The fact that he seemed so amused with himself made me have the hankering to stick my tongue out. Instead of fighting the urge, I let myself do it.

Mr. Kirkland rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time that detention, "You're so childish Jones," he said before opening the door and taking his leave. The door left open the slightest crack.

I smiled once he was gone, I won. I looked to the window, and then to the walls (to the window! To the wall!), trying to occupy myself in any way I could.

As I stared out the window, I realized that Mr. Kirkland may have taken my phone. But he hadn't taken my psp. I knew I didn't have a game in it but I at least had music downloaded onto it.

Instantly, I began to dig it out of my pocket and turned it on. It flipped on with its weird start up, I went to the music section and played one of my favorite songs.

S&amp;M by Rihanna. Don't judge.

Relaxing, I propped up my feet on my desk and tilted backwards in my seat. Nothing like a good stretch.

XxxxXxxx

Without me knowing once again, Mr. Kirkland came back into the room with fresh new papers to grade. Only to see the sight of me with my feet up on my desk, my chair tilting back dangerously and the psp up on my desk with my ear buds stuffed in my ears as I sang loudly along to the song.

Fist clenched, gritting his teeth, he stalked over to my desk and glared at me, "I said no electronics!" He yelled. "Hey!" He yelled again but went ignored as I kept singing along.

"Cause I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it! Sex in the air! I don't care; I like the smell of it! Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me! Na-na-na come on!" I sang.

His face lit up bright red and made what seemed like a choking noise. Quickly, he yanked the ear buds out of my ears.

Startled, I nearly fell backwards in my chair. Thankfully I caught myself and looked up at him.

"No listening to music either," he said unevenly, almost seeming anxious with the shake in his voice and the flush on his face.

With his papers and my psp in hand, he went back over to his work space. Mr. Kirkland dropped the contents onto his desk and with an uneasy sigh he plopped into his chair.

He propped up his elbow on his desk and let his forehead rest in his palm, taking in shaky breaths, seemingly stressed as he tried to calm himself down once again. His other hand found his tie and worked on loosening it as he stared at the wood of his desk.

I just sat and watched him awkwardly. I expected him to yell at me. But when he didn't I was surprised.

Any other time he would yell at me. But at the moment he just looked uneasy. With another sigh he picked his pen back up, selected a paper from the stack and started working on it.

For some reason it seemed like he didn't want to look at me. His whole demeanor was on edge.

I wasn't sure how to react to this. It was new for him not to yell at me.

Like seriously I was expecting an alien invasion at the moment. Tony always said if there was one, the British are the first to go.

He never told me why though.

The room was silent once again. Leaving me wondering and bored.

I rested my head in my hand and tried my best to not doze off.

But I couldn't help it. I was so fucking tired. I had to stay up late last night to scrub the paint out of my hair. Which just did not want to come out by the way.

The clock ticked as the second hand did its round.

There was nothing left to do but sleep. My eyelids felt heavier and heavier. So I let sleep take me.

XxxxXxxx

_Not fun! Not fun, not fun, not fun! I was just having a nightmare but it was still scary and I couldn't get myself to wake up no matter how hard I tried!_

_Jeff the Killer chased me up the stairs, knife in hand while I sprinted up them taking three at a time. _

_My heart blared in my ears as I dashed through the dark hallways of the school. This was not highschool of the dead or something but man I felt like peeing myself._

_I just couldn't wake up! _

_When I saw him catching up I yelped and forced my legs to move faster. Making a sharp turn, I flung one of the classroom doors open and dived in._

_I slammed the door shut and locked it right and his knife thunked into the wood of the door on the other side._

_Quickly, with my abnormal strength, I pushed all the desk and chairs against the door- piling them as high as I could while making a loud racket._

_Once I deemed it sturdy enough, I backed away from the door and ran over to the corner. My knees buckled in fear, I didn't fight it, I let myself drop to the floor in a heap of limbs._

_I whimpered and brought my knees to my chest, hugging them tightly._

_"Alfred~," the walls chanted. I hugged my knees tighter, burying my head into them._

_"Alfred~," they repeated. _

_"Alfred!"_

XxxxXxxx

I snapped awake, eyes wide and confused.

"Jones wake up."

My arms were wrapped around something and my face was flushed against whatever it was I was holding. It felt like fabric and my face was pressed into it.

I heard a cough, bringing me out of my confusion. Slowly, I looked up to where I heard the coughing coming from.

And what did I see you ask? Come on take a guess.

So what'd you guess?

If you guessed Mr. Kirkland then ding-ding-ding-ding you are correct!

I was _hugging _him. And not any old normal hug.

My arms were wrapped around his pelvis and he was looking down at me seeming just as on edge as he was earlier. I stared back up at him with eyes as wide as saucers.

You wanna know the worst part?

I bet you do, you sadist you.

Well, I figured out what it was that my face was against.

His clothed _cock. _You read right! His cock!

My face lit up bright red, equal to the shade of the lollipop I had earlier- when realizing this.

He stared down at me. The same usual glint swam in his eyes, the same one I could never quite place.

But at the moment, it kinda looked like lust. Nah, can't be.

"No falling asleep either, git," he grumbled. When I just blinked up at him he rolled his eyes, "Are you going to let go or not?"

Slowly and awkwardly, I let go.

"Sorry dude, had a bad dream," I laughed nervously, trying to play it off casually.

He cleared his throat, straightening his suit, "Yes well you shouldn't have fallen asleep in the first place," he groused right before he strolled back to his desk and sat down, returning to work like normal.

I winced, nearly face palming. I've had had a lot of awkward moments in my life. But I think that takes the cake.

Has your face ever been next to your teacher's dick?! It's embarrassing!

Ya know it's kind of like when in class the kid that sits next to you raises their hand for help. Then the teacher comes over to help them. And while they're helping them they bend over and you get the teacher's butt near your face and then everyone that sees it laughs at you. It's like that but worse.

I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard what sounded like a pen being dropped onto a surface carelessly. When I looked up to see if I was right, I saw Mr. Kirkland bending down to unlock one of the drawers to his desk.

His keys jingled as the drawer unlocked, the drawer slid open, he dug into it and pulled out a plate of- I don't even know.

He set it on his desk and picked one up and took a bite out of it. Whatever it was, it looked kind of like a hockey puck.

Sensing me looking at him, he peered up at me, "Yes?" He asked.

I blinked, "Oh, I'm just wondering what those are," I pointed at the weird food on the plate.

"They're scones, made them myself" he answered as if it were obvious.

Last time I checked scones aren't supposed to be black. Maybe they were like chocolate flavored or something?

Mm chocolate. That sounded good.

"Can I have one?" I asked hopefully, perking up at the thought of chocolate scones.

His eyes went wide, looking at me with disbelief. I looked back at him with lit up eyes and a smile on my face.

"Um, alright," he said hesitantly as if me asking him if I could have one was like me asking if he just saw a unicorn too.

Slightly he pushed the plate forward as indication for me to walk up and get one myself.

Happily I pushed my seat back, stood up and walked over to his desk. I plucked one from the pile and sat back down.

I inspected it closely. Trying to figure out why it was that color.

It didn't smell like chocolate...so why was it black?

It's burnt isn't it?

He looked at me expectantly; I smiled back nervously and gave him a thumbs up.

Oh shit he expected me to eat this...

Hesitantly I brought it up to my lips. I looked at him watching me hopefully, and then I looked at the burnt scone. Or hockey puck.

I didn't want to hurt his feelings. So it was burnt, how bad could it be?

Taking in a breath, I took a bite.

BLECK!

I felt my eye twitch as I took the scone away from my mouth; I tried my absolute best not to show my disgust for it.

Here's how you know if I hate food. If I hate something someone gives me, my eye kind of twitches and I put the back of my hand against my mouth while I chew so I don't spit it out.

That was what I was doing at that moment.

I chewed as fast as I could just to get the burnt taste out of my mouth.

"You know, you could at least try to hide your distaste for them," Mr. Kirkland scolded, glaring at me.

"I'm sorry dude, they just taste like petrified couch stuffing," I said bluntly.

I tried. I honestly tried.

"How dare you that recipe has been in my family for over hundreds of years! You eat that pink slime slop that is McDonald's but then you say my cooking is bad," he scoffed.

Hey! No one insults Mickey D's.

My eyes narrowed, "Hey at least McDonald's food isn't burnt!"

He stood up from his desk and stalked over to the front of mine, placing his hand on it and leaning forward.

Too close for my comfort.

"They aren't burnt they're well done. Honestly, _you Americans _have no sense of taste," he spat.

Aw hell no. He did not just pull the American card.

He wants to pull that then I'll push back.

I leaned forward slightly in my chair, my face close to his.

"You say that recipe's been in your family for over a hundred years. Maybe it started the Black Death," I said matter of factly, then stuck my tongue out.

Quite happy with myself.

His hand grabbed my shirt collar, pulling me up slightly.

"Why you little-"

"Bonjour! Ze room just got more beautiful!" The classroom door slammed open, revealing the French teacher, Mr. Bonnefoy.

Slowly, are heads turned to look at him.

My eyes were slightly wide, as for Mr. Kirkland he still looked pissed.

Mr. Bonnefoy looked at us, and then blinked.

We probably did look odd. Our faces were kind of close together and Mr. Kirkland was still holding tightly on my shirt collar, pulling me upwards.

"Oh did I just interrupt a l'amour session?" Mr. Bonnefoy smirked, arms crossed and leaning against the door frame.

A what session? I don't know French; I'd have to ask Mattie what it meant later.

Mr. Kirkland let go of me, rudely pushing me back into my chair as he did so.

He stood up straight and copied Mr. Bonnefoy's stance, arms crossed over his chest in a huff.

"It was nothing of the sort _frog_," Mr. Kirkland growled.

"Didn't look zhat way~," Mr. Bonnefoy replied in a sing-song voice.

Mr. Kirkland's eyes impossibly narrowed more, "What do you want?"

Mr. Bonnefoy swooned with fake hurt as his mouth gaped in even more fake shock, "Can't a fellow employee visit another fellow employee?"

"You wouldn't leave even if I told you to."

"Most likely not."

"Alright then. Jones, leave," he pointed to me and then the door, glaring.

He didn't have to tell me twice.

I jumped up and out of my seat, grabbed my phone and psp off his desk and ran for the door, brushing past Mr. Bonnefoy as I left.

XxxxXxxx

**(3rd person point of view. We will be back to Alfred's point of view shortly.)**

Francis watched Alfred leave out the door quietly, only sparing the student a quick glance.

Once the door was good and closed Francis strode over to sit in one of the miscellaneous desk. Arthur took his own seat on top of his personal desk.

"So how did it go?" Francis smirked at his friend, knowingly.

Arthur buried his face in his hands, "Not well at all. I shouldn't have volunteered for this. I was just so tempted-," he cut himself off with a sigh.

Alfred's puppy dog face was just too cute. The way Alfred sucked on the lollipop with no shame and the blush he wore when he woke up hugging him in a very suggestive position, and let's not forget that dirty song he sang. The boy was just too childishly cute and naive that Arthur was so tempted to just-

He mentally punched himself. How could he think of something like that? Alfred was his student. There should always be a heavy line between student and teacher.

But he couldn't help it. Ever since he saw Alfred he just wanted to-

No. No it was wrong.

Sensing his friends troubles, Francis spoke up, "How about we go out tonight? Have a few drinks and just relax?" He suggested.

Arthur slowly lifted his head out of his hands, "Alright, fine. Only because I want to forget these few past hours."

Francis smiled, that was the first time Arthur had agreed to go drinking with him in a while.

He knew that his friend was going to get completely drunk.

XxxxXxxx

**( Back to Alfred's pov)**

Stopping at the correct number, I knocked on the door.

As if they were waiting for me (they were), it opened instantly.

Gilbert was the one who had opened the door, behind him though was Mattie and Kiku.

"So how'd it go?" Gil snickered.

"You're on my shit list," I told him, pushing past him and into the room.

They all stared at me confused as I climbed up the ladder to my bed and plopped face down into the mattress.

"Al, what happened?" Matt asked, walking over to our bunk bed.

"Nofin," I said, my words muffled by the pillow.

Kiku took that as his cue to leave. He would probably ask me about it later anyways.

"Ah come on. It couldn't have been that bad," Gilbert pressed on.

"His cock," I answered.

"Huh?" Mattie questioned.

I sat upright on my bed to look at them, "His _cock_. I woke up and I was hugging him. My face was this close," I paused to show them about an inch distance between my finger and thumb, "to his no-no zone!"

Gilbert bursted out laughing, "Did he have a rocket in his pocket?"

"A what?" I asked.

"Gilbert," Matthew scolded, elbowing Gil in the ribs.

"Al it couldn't have been that bad. Now why didn't you show up to class?" He inquired.

"Assholes. The usual," I shrugged.

Matthew sighed concerned, "Don't let them push you around, Al. That's what you tell me to do. Practice what you preach. Ok?"

"Yeah I know," I nodded. Gilbert looked between us. An idea popped into his head.

I wouldn't find out until two months later but Gilbert ended up hanging the guys who stuffed me into a trashcan by their underwear on the flag pole.

"So what happened eh?" Mattie asked.

"Just a bunch of blegh. It doesn't matter I guess. It was just awkward." I flopped back into my bed.

"I see vhat you mean. Alfred come to my dorm in 2 hours. Ve are going out," Gilbert smiled evilly.

XxxxXxxx

**A/N: Did you enjoy it? :D hopefully you did. Sorry again for not updating in 4 months. I am such a lazy fuck. But hopefully you enjoyed this chapter.**

**Next chapter you get to see Iggy drunk off his ass! Oh yes, I have so many plans for next chapter. Next chapter there's actual yaoi. It's gonna be awesome. I think...hopefully.**

**And I promise I will never go without updating for that long EVER again. The next chapter will be up definitely sometime in January. I promise.**

**Btw, that thing with the little girl calling Alfred superman, that actually happened to me x) it was weird as fuck. I just wanted Swedish fish and then that happened. Damn my superman shirt….But I got a new one that's red, white and blue that I'm using for casual America cosplay :D I'm sorry I ramble too much….**

**America: Dx Why did you make my life suck so much**

**Spades: I don't know x). It's fun**

**England: I have no words**

**Spades: Those are words**

**England: Belt up**

**America: Well...REVIEW PLLEEEEEAAAAASSSSE *puppy dog face***

**Seriously though. You with the face and the things, sittin there behind the computer screen reading this- review! Please review it is much appreciated. Even if you already reviewed before it lets me know people are actually still reading this. And if you haven't reviewed, please do with ice cream and sprinkles on top….wow I'm pathetic.**

**Oh you get the point. Thanks again! :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Notes: So ummm, this is late. Yep, really late. Like 7 months late. But uh…yeah I got no excuse. I know it sucks because I'm a bit rusty at writing, but enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia**

**Warning: Under aged drinking. Only a bit.**

**ALSO THANKS FOR THE AWESOME REVIEWS**

xxxxXXXXXXxxx

"Alfred, get up, eh!" I heard a shout in my sleep, but ignored it. Because like sleep is a beautiful thing. I was going to sleep however long I could. It seems like no one ever gets enough sleep. Maybe that was one of Mr. Kirkland's problems. He could be so cranky because he never gets enough sleep, or maybe he's just a jerk. Probably the latter.

Apparently though the luscious sleep didn't last very long. You know why? Because the infamous pillow throw to my face happened. I spazzed and sat up immediately, half-heartedly glaring at Mattie.

He laughed at my reaction and approached the bunk, throwing me my superman hoodie, "Time to go to Gil's," he told me, crossing his arms and leaning against the bunk.

I took the hoodie from his hand, slipping my arms into each of the provided arm holes and pulled it on with a mumbled thank you. "Oh right, Gilbert wanted me to go meet him," I remembered and quickly jumped down from the bed. Plopping right down onto the floor next to Mattie. I grabbed the sneakers that were right next to me and slipped those on with a bit of struggle.

Man I missed velcro shoes. Do you know how difficult it is to slip on converse high tops? It's difficult because you can't slip them on, you just can't! You have to go through the whole process of untying them and retying them, it's just stressful and time consuming.

"Yeah, better get going," Mattie tossed me my spare key to the dorm, I easily caught it (I actually dropped them, but don't tell anyone) and stood up. I pulled Mattie into a quick hug before sprinting out the dorm room to Gil's room.

**XXxxxXXXXxx**

"Gil, where are we going?" I asked him. I groaned, lying down on his dorm floor while he dug through his dresser drawers.

"Ve," he began, pulling out a wad of cash from his drawer, "are going to a club," he finished, revealing the wad of cash and two fake ID's. How he even got the fake IDs was beyond me. The fact that he even had one for me was extremely concerning.

Shouldn't I be concerned about that? It was like he planned this. Well...knowing Gil, he probably did.

"Where did you get those?" I asked astonished, as I raised forward, sitting up and pointing at the IDs.

"Don't vorry about it. I've had them for a vhile, just for a situation like zhis," he smirked. "So, are you in or not?"

Was he serious? We were actually going to go to a club. Where there's like half-naked girls, booming music that makes your chest vibrate, alcohol, and who knows what else. It sounded cool! But…what if we got caught. I thought detention was bad. If I got arrested for a fake ID it'd be official that I would need to turn my hero badge in. Or just stop wearing superman hoodies...

"Dude, I don't know...," I replied, rubbing the back of my head.

"Oh come on, it's not like it's a major club or anything vith dj's. It's just a small joint in a back alley. People just go there to drink, forget, and listen to bands play," he reassured, patting my shoulder.

Well, what could happen? Usually luck was on my side. Minus about four days ago, but that was beside the point. Maybe we wouldn't get caught. And I'd actually get to drink for the first time!

"Alright I'm in," I decided, smiling wide.

"Yes!" Gilbert fist pumped. He turned around and started grabbing his stuff, getting everything together. Until he stopped and looked at me. His eyes flicked from my feet to my head.

"...That's not going to vork for a club," Gil stated, as he gestured to my rumpled clothes.

My eyebrows furrowed as I looked down at my clothes. "What's wrong with them?"

"You slept in them," he rolled his eyes, going back to his closet. "How do you expect to get laid if you're looking like a fifth grader in all that superman," he snorted.

I plopped down on the bed, crossing my arms. I liked my clothes. There was nothing wrong with them. Like come on! Superman is totally cool, same with Captain America and Batman. You know I wonder who would win in that fight.

I looked at Gil to see what he was wearing. Lots of leather. Then I looked to what I was wearing. He was probably right...These weren't going to do. As much I hated admitting that to myself. My portable candy machine that rains a fatty rainbow would have to stay.

"Damn it. I don't have any clean clothes except this," he hissed, rummaging through his closet more while I tried peering over his shoulder.

"Alright, zhis will have to do," he sighed. With clothes in hand, he turned around and tossed them at me.

I got hit in the face. Well that was rude.

Or how Michelle would say, 'How rude'.

With distaste I peeled the clothes off of my face and looked at what they were. Ok black skinny jeans, that wasn't too bad. But the shirt was fucking weird.

At first I thought it was a Mountain Dew shirt because I saw the logo symbol on it and it was a green colored shirt.

Then I actually read the words on it. "'Mount and do me'?" I read them out loud, looking at Gil skeptically.

He laughed with his weird 'kesesese', "It's ze only shirt I have zhat's clean. Now hurry up and strip!"

I blinked at him. That didn't sound wrong or anything.

I unzipped my hoodie, and reluctantly took my shirt off. He was _staring _at me. I was feeling self-conscious and I didn't know why. Plus I really didn't want to put this weird ass shirt on. Who the heck wears a shirt that says 'Mount and do me'?

Quickly, I slipped on the new shirt. And in quicker speed I unhooked my belt, unbuttoned my pants, pulled the zipper of my pants down and wiggled on the skinny jeans.

I hated skinny jeans. With a passion. Like come on! They were so constricting you couldn't even run in them. How girls wore them was beyond me.

"Better!" Gil remarked, smiling at me with an almost cocky grin. Swiftly, he grabbed his keys up from the dresser along with the money and ID's. We were really going to do this weren't we? Yep, we were. On the bright side maybe I could convince Gilbert to take me to McDonalds, or as I liked to call it "Mickey Dicks" before we would go to the club. I probably wouldn't be able to convince him though, he's stubborn as fudge.

He turned around to face me, handing me some money and the ID, "Don't lose that," he told me as he handed them over. Psh, I don't lose everything that easy. I mean yeah, I thought the sock fairy existed because of how much I couldn't find my clothes, but again, that's beside the point. Mattie somehow always finds the missing clothes on his bunk.

Weird.

"Yeah, yeah. I won't lose 'em. Scouts honor," I false saluted at him. In reply he rolled his eyes.

"Alright, let's go."

xxxXXXXxxxxxXXX

I kept my eyes trained on the car's dashboard for most of the drive there. Every once in a while I would play with the radio only for Gil to slap my hand away and change it back to the heavy metal station he liked.

The stations I liked usually had pop music and that announcer that practically had honey dripping from their voice because it was so sweetly fake. The type of stations Gilbert liked had people screaming their music.

Gilbert spun the wheel around recklessly, going way past the speed limit as he did. We were gonna crash. This is it, the hero is going to die in a car crash. I always thought I'd die of a sugar coma first.

"Gil, slow the hell down, dude!" I cried out, squirming in my seat and holding onto the provided car handle-thingy on the ceiling for dear life.

"No vay!" He laughed, pushing his foot down harder on the pedal making the car zoom faster down the road. On every bump we hit it made the car feel like it was flying off of the ground. Oh God, I'm gonna be sick.

Besides fearing my death, I looked down my shirt with distaste "_Mount and do me,_" the shirt read. Ok, I was like ninety-nine percent positive that was meant to be sexual. In some way or another. I think it was. Ugh, why did i get stuck wearing this? Why couldn't it be a regular soda shirt? But nooo.

"Hey," Gilbert spoke up right as he practically spun the wheel in a complete circle, making the whole car lurch to the left and me get thrown against my car door with a wince. "Ve're here," He announced proudly, parking the car into an empty parking spot.

I sat there, looking pale as a ghost and holding on the car handle-thingy still, gasping for air and still trying to recover from the death spin that almost made me puke my non-existent lunch. Stupid lunch ladies.

Gilbert glanced at me; he barked with laughter and turned the engine off, "Come on."

I peeled myself away from the door, popped said door open and slid out. My legs were still shaky from the "awesome", car ride. Right about now I could practically hug the ground. It was over! I was alive! Until the drive back...Ah cheeseburgers.

I sighed and glanced at where Gil was walking to. Behind the parking lot was a small gate in front of where two houses had a gap between them, which was where Gilbert was going. On the gate were some signs asking for admission. No doubt the club was behind the gate in the alley way. Finally snapping out of my daze, I darted over to him and slowed to a walk once I got next to him

I eyed the alley way with a crease of worry on my forehead. Ok, this would be ok, ya know? Just a little club. Can't be that bad, right?

No matter how much I reassured myself, my nerves were still all over the place. I've never been to a place like this. Man oh man, I've been doing some bad things this week haven't I? First vandalism now lying about my age, and sneaking into a club.

Yup, thug life. Oo, maybe I could go to McDonalds after this and get a happy meal with one of those cool new 'How to Train your Dragon', toys. Toothless is an adorable dragon, ok?

Yup, thug life alright.

Getting back on topic (woopsiiieee), on the bright side this could be totally cool! Maybe I'd finally get to try alcohol. But like, that was illegal for my age. And hero's don't break laws. So maybe I shouldn't try it. Well we'll see what happens.

Gilbert glanced over at me from the corner of his eye, he snorted at seeing my face. I probably did look like I was about to piss myself to be honest.

"What?" I blinked out of my own thoughts and met his stare.

"Don't be so vorried!" He chuckled and shook his head. He approached the gate of the club with the usual swagger in his step. The swagger that I could never quite imitate. I remember when I first met Gilbert, I thought he was the awesomest person alive and tried to somewhat copy him to be liked like him.

I trailed after him with a slight pout, kicking pebbles, "I ain't worried!"

As we approached the gate, Gilbert reached into his chest pocket and pulled out two single IDs out of his pocket along with the wad of cash. He stopped in front of the bouncer and held the IDs up to the man's face, waving them around slightly.

The bouncer himself was a big dude, to be honest. He looked like he could eat us if he wanted to. The weirdest part about him was when I looked at his gun holster there was no gun, or even a tazer. He had his freaking phone in there instead. 'Don't move or I'll text you'. Like I wasn't cramping on his style, but like, seriously dude? It's a phone. You looked cool, but the phone ruined it.

While I laughed at the whole phone thing the bouncer eyed the IDs, his meaty forehead creasing slightly as he read over the IDs carefully. He stroked the unshaven stubble on his chin in thought. His eyes traveled from the IDs to our faces, inspecting them closely.

This repeated a couple times, too long for my taste.

My eyes looked from side to side, hoping no one else in the parking lot was staring at us. I rubbed my sweaty palms off on my jeans and looked up at the man, "Heh...So can we go in?" My voice practically sounded like a little, scared schoolgirl when I asked that. Honestly, I couldn't believe such an embarrassing voice came out of my mouth. Apparently, Gil couldn't either because when I spoke he started snickering.

Right now could go two ways, we could get arrested, or go into a club.

After a couple moments passed the bouncer grunted with a nod, tearing his stare away from the IDs. Gilbert thanked him and handed me my own "ID". The bouncer nodded and opened the gate, stepping aside and allowing us access. I struggled to quickly pocket the ID and follow after Gil who was already striding confidently into the club.

As I approached the door I could already hear the music inside. It wasn't like neon lights and booming music. Ya know like the music you hear when a teen drives by you and his car is bouncing to the music. And you just kind of look at the car like, 'Sir, what are you doing?' Yeah that kind of music, it wasn't like that. It was nice pleasant plucking of guitar strings and the beating of drums.

Gilbert held the door open for me; I nodded at him and strode inside.

What I saw was so cool, dude! In the corner of the small club was a stage with a band on top of it, strumming on their instruments and beating away at the drum, tables were gathered around facing the stage, and behind the tables was a little bar with friendly looking customers. If I didn't know any better I'd say this looked like one of those weird English places. What are they called..? Um, a pub? Yeah a pub! It looked like a pub sort of thing. The whole place had a nice red glow to it, making it appear homey.

He smiled behind me and clapped a hand on my shoulder, leaning in to speak in my ear so I could hear better, "I'm going to go see if I can score. You can go enjoy jourself ok?"

Gilbert didn't even let me answer, he already slipped a wad of cash into my hand and was brushing past me, heading to the bar towards some girls that were barely wearing clothes. They looked like those girls I see in those kickass movies like the fast and the furious.

I glanced around the room, not really being sure what to do. I could like get some pizza, but I didn't think they sold pizza. Most likely not. Oh! Do you know they sell pizza with the crust stuffed with hot dogs in the good ol' U.S.A now?! I used to have to go all the way to Canada with Mattie just to get the stuff! Now they had it here and that was totally awesome!

The band looked pretty cool. I could always go over there. I nodded to myself and walked through the crowd of tables to a spare one near the front of the stage and took a seat. The lead singer sang his lungs out into the microphone and the guitarist danced around the stage while strumming on his black electric guitar. It was so awesome! I couldn't help but grin and watch them with delight. I've never seen a band perform before.

I was brought out of my amazement when a chair next to me was suddenly pulled out. These three older guys with each a distinct hair color sat down at my table. The one with red hair took a seat next to me, the other with ginger hair sat beside the redhead, and then the last one that was brunette sat on the other side of me.

I turned in my own seat to look at them with one raised eyebrow. I definitely didn't know them; beat me as to why they sat with me.

"This yer first time here? You don't look familiar," The redheaded asked with a smirk, leaning back casually in his chair. He reached into the basket of fries he was holding and took some out, nibbling at them while idly watching the band on the stage, not really looking at me.

That dude had a really thick accent. It sounded like Mr. Kirkland's, but then again not. Was it Scottish?

I looked at him, still dumbfounded. Was I supposed to reply, or nod? I didn't know.

"Of course it is Alli! He looks confused as feck!" The one with ginger hair chimed in, plucking a fry from the basket in the redhead's hand. This one looked a bit shorter than the redhead and younger with freckles dotting his nose.

He had an accent too! But it was different than the redheads slightly.

"Oi! Ask before takin' ya twit!" The redhead, 'Alli' snapped at the ginger.

Behind them was the brunette who was laughing, covering his mouth with his hand while he absentmindedly played with a napkin. This one looked slightly younger than the redhead as well.

The ginger smiled wide and took more fries despite the redhead's scolding, "What's mine is yers, dear brother."

So they were brothers? I could see it. They all had thick eyebrows and piercing green eyes.

Come to think of it those traits looked familiar...

The redheaded male rolled his eyes and gestured the basket of fries to me, "Want some?" he asked. I nodded and took some, gobbling them down immediately.

Hell yeah! Free food!

"So what's yer name, laddie?" The ginger asked me while stuffing his mouth with the stolen fries.

"Uh, I'm Alfred. You?" I answered. Was I allowed to give out my name? I think I was.

"I'm Seamus!" The ginger announced proudly.

"I'm Dylan," the brunette gave me a wave. Odd, his accent differed from the other two too.

The redhead grunted and brought a glass of something goldish- probably alcohol- to his lips, taking a whopping swig from the glass, "I be Allistor. So what's the likes of you doin' here?" he asked, glancing at me.

Oh fuck, what was I supposed to say?

"Oh I came here with a friend," I pointed over to Gil by the bar, who was currently flirting.

It looked like Gil was having no luck though.

The three men's heads all turned to look at Gilbert then back to me. Dylan nodded, "So he left you by yourself?"

I guess Gilbert sort of did. "Yeah, I guess."

Seamus piped up again, "Laddie, I have to ask. What the feck does that shirt yer wearin' say?" I blinked and looked down at the shirt I was wearing, tugging at it I read what it said. 'Mount and do me' looked back at me. Oh man, I completely forgot about my embarrassing shirt. My skin immediately felt warm. Was I blushing?

"M-mount and do me...," I replied. Stealthily, I sunk down lower in my chair so no one else could see the shirt.

Allistor choked on a fry, Seamus barked with laughter, and Dylan had to hide his face again to cover his fits of laughter.

"Why the hell are you wearin' that?" Allistor asked while still coughing. He quickly took another swig from his drink to get the fry unstuck from his throat while he punched at his chest.

My ears were burning and I tried to stare anywhere but at the three brothers who were currently laughing at me.

"Ok ok," Seamus hicked with laughter, "No further questions." It took a good minute before they all stopped laughing, but my embarrassment never went away.

"You didn't even buy a drink or any food yet. What the feck have you been doin' with yerself?" Allistor asked me, raising one bushy, red eyebrow.

"Just listening to the music."

Seamus scoffed, "That's borin'! Alli go get the kid a drink or somethin'!"

Allistor blinked at his supposed brother, "You want him to drink then you buy it!"

"No way, yer older. You buy it!" Seamus shot back.

I looked between the two. They really must have been brothers if they were bickering like that. It was kind of funny to be honest.

Allistor groaned and stood from his seat, "Fine. Come on, Alfred." He gestured to me and walked towards the bar. I blinked for a moment before standing up and following after him.

I made eye contact with Gil at the bar, who gave me an approving grin and a wink before going back to chatting away with the girls. What the hell was with that wink?

"Alright, what do you want to drink?" Allistor stepped up to the counter. He reached into his back pocket and tugged out a leather wallet. Digging into it, he slipped out a couple bills.

"Uuuuh, Cola?"

He snorted loudly in reply and looked at me with a look that said, 'are you serious?'

"I mean alcohol, boy."

Woops, "Oh, I've, uh, never had alcohol before," I told him truthfully.

For a moment he sat there, staring at me like I was a new species. "Ale it is." He decided for me, turning back to the counter and telling the bartender the order.

Soon the bartender returned and handed Allistor the bottle in exchange for the cash. He took the bottle with a nod and handed it to me, "Here, drink up."

I thanked him and took the bottle. Popping the cap off I glanced into the bottle. It looked weird.

It even had a weird smell to it. He laughed when he saw me eyeing it and patted me on the back, "It won't hurt you, boy. Just enjoy it," he winked, "Was a pleasure to meet you and by you yer first drink." With a nod and a wide grin he walked off, going back over to the table with Dylan and Seamus. Leaving me with the bottle of alcohol.

Was I supposed to drink this? What's the worst that could happen?

I hesitantly brought the opening of the bottle to my lips and tilted my head back, taking a swig of it.

xxxXXXXxxx

The world was a magical blur. Was I drunk? I didn't even know.

I couldn't even remember how many drinks I bought. The bartender cut me off a while ago and I was currently talking with some nice girls I met.

But I wasn't drunk, right? I couldn't have been. I mean I was walking fine!

"Alfred! Alfred!" A hand wrapped around my wrist and for a moment I thought it was a snake and squealed.

"Whoa- what?!" I blinked and my eyes finally came into focus to see Gilbert in front of me, pulling me away from the group of girls.

"Stop talking to cleaning supplies! Ve need to go, now!" He yelled at me, helping me to stand up. Cleaning supplies? What was he talking about?

I glanced over at the girls I was talking to, I blinked dumbfounded and I saw they really were mops and brooms. Great, I had been talking to a mop for about an hour. That's just...yeah not my greatest moment. Let's move on.

I held my head in one hand and swung my drink around with the other, "Oh hey, Gil! - Woops," That was me swinging the drink around and accidentally spilling it.

"Alfred, ve need to go now this is serious!" He hissed at me. He quickly pried the drink out of my hand and set it down, pulling me towards the exit of the club.

"Wha? Why?" I stumbled along with him. I may have been talking with mops, but overall I had been enjoying myself pretty much.

Gilbert sighed and turned me around and pointed somewhere in the club, "That's vhy!"

I turned to see where he was pointed and when my eyes focused once again I saw two familiar mops of blonde hair with even more familiar people under them.

Mr. Bonnefoy and Mr. Kirkland were sitting at the bar having a drink and talking to one another, every once in a while Mr. Bonnefoy put a hand on Mr. Kirkland's shoulder only for the Englishman to brush it off.

That couldn't have been good. We were so dead.

I turned around to look at Gilbert for help, but he was gone. Ran out the door.

Aw, hell.

xXXXxxxxXX

**Author's notes: Pretty bad right? Eh, I'll practice to get back in the swing of things. And yay for the UK brothers! To be honest I'm trying to make this quick so I can finally update.**

**I'm working on new projects currently. One is an epic Hitman!Jones and Assassin!Kirkland story, another is a Pirate au. Both Hetalia stories, and both mainly UKUS with multiple pairings.**

**Let me know what you'd like to see in this fic, like pairings wise. **

**I'm honestly excited for next chapter. Sooo excited. Big plans.**

**Thank you and review, see you next time dudes**


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